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“Be sure you know the condition of your flocks . . .”  – Proverbs 27:23 

Several years ago two of my executive coaching colleagues had gone through some intensive training on working with horses as a way to coach and train high level executives to become more effective leaders.  A few months into that training they invited me out to an equestrian facility, along with a couple of other fellow coaches, to be “guinea pigs” in trying out their new skills.  Even though I had little experience with horses, being an adventurous type and a lover of animals I was all in.

When I arrived the coaches greeted me and led me out to the pens where the horses were corralled.  One of them asked if I was nervous.  “No,” I replied, “. . . well maybe a little.”  Digging a little deeper she asked, “So, where in your body do you physically feel the anxiety.”  I thought for a moment, then responded, “In my gut.”  She then instructed me to walk over to a round pen containing one of the horses and calmly stand there, doing nothing, and see if the horse would respond to me.  Sure enough, the horse cautiously approached the fence where I stood.  Then the most amazing thing happened, the horse touched me with his nose right on my gut, exactly where the anxiety had settled in my body.  It was the beginning of a beautiful relationship – at least for that afternoon.

Not being a horse person, until that day I had no idea how extraordinarily sensitive horses are to human emotions.  And even though Tracker (that was the horse’s name) could sense the mild anxiety in my gut, he was also able to sense something deeper, that I was an okay guy, and that I could be trusted.  At that point I was able to stand in the middle of the pen with Tracker where he obeyed every one of my hand gestures – go left, go right, turn around, walk slow, walk faster, stop.  Likewise, I realized I was sensing Tracker’s emotions as well, which is how he sensed I was maybe an okay guy.

What holds true in a relationship between a human and a thousand-pound horse, I learned that day, also holds true in a relationship between one human and another.  The best relationships involve being sensitive to the needs and emotions of others, or as the Proverb says, “Be sure you know the condition of your flock.”  The flock could be your peers, direct reports, clients or customers where you work, friendships, even your family and your relationship with your spouse.  Thank you, Tracker, for that great lesson!

“If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.”

• Proverbs 25:21 

Fred was not a happy camper; in fact, he was down-right angry.  The modest sized regional company he had happily worked for many years had recently been acquired by our giant international corporation and he was convinced that his business life would be ruined, that he would never again receive the personal support he had always enjoyed in serving his clients, and that he would become just a number within a huge bureaucracy.  And since I was his designated contact person in the new giant organization he was now part of, everything that he perceived would go wrong was all my fault.  I was the enemy.

Looking back I can’t blame Fred too much.  He was an older gentleman at the time, and change did not come easy.  (Being older myself now, I admit to being a bit of a curmudgeon too when dealing with change.)  But because Fred was unhappy, every phone call was a complaint of some nature.  Eventually I invited him to come spend a day with us, to meet our staff, observe our operation, and offer some hands-on training on our systems.  We treated him to a nice lunch, and made sure we had a good supply of Dr. Pepper on hand, his favorite beverage.  Every member of our staff introduced themselves and greeted him with a warm smile.  To his credit, Fred tried to be cordial too, but it was obvious he was skeptical.

That strained relationship continued for several months, until one day we both discovered by coincidence that our sons had attended the same small liberal arts university of all things.  Unexpectedly we had found common ground, and from then on Fred and I were able to work together not as enemies, but as friends.

Though this story had a happy ending, it was a bumpy ride getting there.  The Proverb says, “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat [i.e. take him to lunch]; if he is thirsty, give him water [or Dr. Pepper] to drink.”  Except I had to grit my teeth and fake my smiles through the whole episode, and I guess he did too.  Nevertheless, we both chose to take the high road by being civil rather than acting bitter, and sure enough we discovered we actually liked each other, and from then on were able to work together amicably and productively the rest of our careers.

“He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”  – John 15:2 

The large holly bush beside our back gate has been there for many years, since long before we bought the house.  It’s a beautiful shrub which I have endeavored to maintain by pruning it regularly to keep it in shape.  Recently, though, I noticed a small patch of dead leaves in one particular spot.  First I thought it was only a tiny twig that simply needed to be snipped off, until further investigation revealed a dead limb tracible all the way down to the base of tree, requiring a saw to cut it out, which I feared in doing so might damage the shrub’s overall appearance.  Not so, as it turned out.  Not only did it not harm the appearance of the plant, it actually seemed to have improved its health.

Gardeners and arborists recognize two types of pruning.  One involves the removal of an entire branch, as I did in cutting out the dead limb; for branches that do not bear fruit, whether dead-dead or functionally dead, need to be cut off at the base not only because they are worthless, but they often infect the health of the overall tree.  The other type of pruning involves simply trimming back.  This type of pruning improves the plant’s health so it becomes even more productive in bearing fruit, besides maintaining a nice shape and appearance as with our holly bush.

It occurred to me as I was pruning that holly bush that day how much I am just like that – indeed we all are.  I’ve been around a long time too, and like that shrub I require a good bit of maintenance to keep me in shape.  Yet, in spite of that I still develop blemishes – similar to the dead leaves and branches – blemishes that need to be removed, like the small pre-cancer spots on my bald head the dermatologist removed this past week, which after they heal my head should look fine and certainly improve my overall health.  Likewise, I have behaviors and lifestyles that need pruning and reshaped from time to time so that I can bear more fruit.

After all, as I was reminded by that holly bush, what is the purpose of my life, and your life, if not to bear fruit?  And how can we bear good fruit without regular and proper pruning?  For, “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”

“Love one another.”  – John 13:34 

“Don’t you want somebody to love?” begins the refrain from the hit song famously performed by Jefferson Airplane, provocatively challenging the listener, “Don’t you need somebody to love?  Wouldn’t you love somebody to love?” Then comes the punch line in the form of profound advice in answer to the riddle, “You better find somebody to love,” it concludes.

As with most pop songs this one is no doubt referring to the search for romantic love, but that’s okay because love has to start somewhere, and romantic love is at least a starting point to experience loving and being loved, caring for someone as much as we care for ourselves, especially for someone who otherwise is not familiar with love  Thankfully, many of us are fortunate enough to have experienced love long before that, from the time we were born having been loved by our mothers and fathers.  The point is, if we desire love – and indeed, that is universal – we need to find somebody to love, whether a romantic partner, a parent or family member, friend, a stranger even, and most importantly God, then be open to the possibility of being loved back.

The amazing thing about love is that once we have experienced it the greater our capacity is to both give and receive it.  I recall one of my sons coming to me expressing deep concern when he and his wife were expecting their second child whether he would have the capacity to love the second one as much as the first.  All I could say was, “wait and see.”  It has now been thirteen years since that conversation, and seeing my son today with his children is living proof that the human capacity to love – specifically my son’s own capacity to love – has solved the riddle.

According to devotional writer Sarah Young, “Most of mankind’s misery stems from feeling unloved.”  Imagine, being able to eliminate most of the miseries of this world by loving someone else?  And we each have the capacity to do just that, to literally change the world by simply loving one person at a time.  The first step is to go out this week and find somebody to love.  Jesus laid it on the line when He left us with this: “A new command I give you: Love one another.”

“Be content with what you have.”  – Hebrews 13:5 

“If I ever win the lottery I’m going to . . .” [fill in the blank].  Or maybe you’re an optimist who says it more boldly; not “IF I win the lottery,” but “WHEN I win the lottery.”  Either way, how many of us have ever said it, if not out loud, at least fantasized about it privately?  Oh, how we dream of a few million bucks falling in our laps!  Yes, that would solve everything.  Or would it?

The wakeup call usually comes when we read about some lottery winner, or other newly-rich person, who ends up losing it all.  While precise statistics are hard to come by, at least based on my meager research, some of the studies and anecdotes (mostly) seem to suggest that a significant number of winners eventually encounter financial difficulties, with a substantial portion, if not all, of their winnings slipping away.  Overspending, poor investments, and indulgent lifestyles seem to be the primary causes, not to mention family squabbles, divorces, addictive behaviors, or gambling habits.

Steve, my best buddy from childhood, once shared with me some great advice he had received from his father years ago.  “You always want to have enough,” he said, “but you don’t need to have too much.”  Having been close to Steve’s dad, who was like a second father to me, I can say with certainty that he modeled his own words.  Work hard, he might add, excel at what you do, take care of your family, be a good citizen, look out for your neighbors, contribute to your community, then “be content with what you have,” and your life will be abundant beyond any lottery winnings you could ever imagine.

My own dad had an amusing fantasy about winning the lottery.  “When I win the lottery . . .”  (My dad, ever the optimist!)  “When I win the lottery,” he would tell my brother, “the first thing I’m going to do is buy you a new pickup.”  My brother, you see, had this old beat-up pickup truck he kept out on his ranch that he used to hall hay, feed his cows, and do other chores around the place.  Filthy, rusted, dented, cracked windshield and torn seat covers, smelling like cow manure, yet that old pickup served its purpose as well as any fancy new Ford F150 ever could.  So, every time Daddy brought it up, my brother would just look at him and laugh.  He loved that old truck, and for him it symbolized what it means to have enough, and to “be content with what you have.”