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“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

• James 1:19 

Upon his arrival home from work one day a father discovered the front window of his home shattered to smithereens, and there in the yard lay the evidence, a baseball bat and ball.  So without further investigation the father stormed into the house, found his young son, and was just about to administer the punishment he obviously deserved for what appeared to be an open and shut case . . . until his wife walked in with the boy next door in tow who had confessed to the whole incident.

For many years during my Wall Street career I served as an arbitrator in the industry when disputes arose between two parties.  The way the arbitration system works, arbitrators receive in advance a written detailed explanation of the claim from the claimant (plaintive) as well as a detailed response from the respondent (defendant).  After reading the claim and response I would invariably conclude that it was an open and shut case in need of no further investigation . . . that is, until I listened to the testimonies on the actual day of the hearing.  Without fail my initial conclusion would be proven wrong.

It was an open and shut case as well, so thought Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar.  Why else would Job have lost everything he had – his family, wealth and health – unless he was being punished by God for some undisclosed sin he had committed?  All the evidence they needed was in plain sight, Job sitting on an ash heap, clothes ripped to shreds, head shaved, his body covered with painful sores.  No need for further investigation, as Job’s three “friends” accusingly rushed to his side in their respective attempts to convince him to confess (to something he did not do).  And if things were not bad enough for poor Job, he was forced to defend himself in kangaroo court where Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar presided as the self-appointed – not to mention self-righteous – judges.

We’ve all been there on one side or the other, either the one falsely accused or the one judging without further investigation.  What a difference listening makes!  “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

“Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways.”  – Psalm 25:7 

My hairline began receding at an early age, shortly after graduating high school and going off to college.  Slowly and gradually over the years it has matured into a perfect horseshoe-shaped bald spot framed around the edges by a remnant of gray hair which I keep meticulously trimmed.

Since I have always known I was genetically inclined, being bald has never bothered me.  If fact, I’m sort of fond of the attention I receive, the teasing and nicknames, especially nowadays from my grandchildren.  There was even a time back in my twenties and thirties when I was convinced that if my face and scalp were well tanned it gave me great sex appeal, so I spent a lot of time in the sun without protection.  Today I’m paying the price, mostly in frequent trips to the dermatologist. . . Gee, I wish I hadn’t done that!

We all have skeletons in our closets, don’t we, things we did when we were young that (in the spirit of Halloween) haunt us?  I certainly do, most too shameful and embarrassing to mention, my sun-damaged scalp being one of the few I’m willing to admit out loud.

How often are we like King David, praying please, please, please, “remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways.”  And by God’s grace we are indeed forgiven of those poor choices we made.  But while God may forgive us, and we may even forgive ourselves, seldom do we forget what we had done.  “Gee, I wish I hadn’t done that!” we cry out in regret.

Sometimes, though, I think our remembering the sins and rebellious ways of our youth is as much a part of God’s grace as His forgiveness of them.  How much more judgmental and lacking compassion would I be toward others, I wonder, had I not erred so often myself?  And what kind of parent would I have been had I not made mistakes and poor choices in my own life?  Gee, I still wish I hadn’t done those things, though.  But, O how masterfully God in his grace redeems our sins and shortcomings, either through our encouragement of others to not make those same mistakes, or having enough compassion to rescue them when they do.

“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others . . .” – 1 Peter 4:10 

It was in December of 1997, approaching the Christmas holidays, when at the suggestion of one of the colleagues on our team we all decided to forego our usual tradition of buying gifts for each other and instead using those collective resources to help a family in our community who was in need.  Within a week or two we had gathered quite a collection of food, clothing, toys, and household goods, enough to fill several vehicles.  Then, late one day after work we caravanned – all of us together – to the home of the family we had identified.

One gentleman on our team dusted off a Santa costume that had long been tucked away in the back of his closet, arriving at the door of our adopted family all dressed up, to the great delight of the several small children in the family.  Two among us happened to be fluent in Spanish bridging the communication gap between us and the non-English speaking family.  Others contributed muscle strength, mechanical and technological skills.  And all of us, without question, opened our hearts in ways we never had before.

Not surprising, we all went home that evening feeling good that we had helped someone.  The surprise came in the difference it made in us as a team.  We may have thought we were a good team before, but nothing like we were afterwards.  As the long-time leader of our business unit, I began to notice how we worked together even better than before.  The constituents we served noticed too how the quality of our service had improved.  Then, remarkably – though this is perhaps a bit of a stretch to link it directly – our business performance literally boomed, not just in the short term, but for all the remaining years we were together.  It was a win-win for everyone, the family in need, the performance of our team, service to our constituents, the profitability to our company, and ultimately our own compensation.  It is also worth noting that in the years to follow adopting needy families became an annual tradition.

It is amazing what happens when we offer our special gifts to the service of others, whether putting on an unused costume, speaking another language, or other strengths and skills. It is exactly what the Apostle Peter was urging his readers. “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace.”

“They will still bear fruit in old age . . .”  – Psalm 92:14

“Old age is not for sissies,” my mother would often say in her later years.  It would seem that remark was made mostly in the context of her declining health, but I think there was a deeper meaning than simply enduring the suffering brought on by health problems.  I also think it meant that in order to live out one’s remaining years effectively and productively requires courage.  And among those I have observed who have “finished well” as the saying goes – including my mother – have indeed been people who exhibited great courage.  That is, they were not faint hearted about expressing love, cherishing friendships past and present, sharing their wisdom, and giving generously of themselves.

In her marvelous book The Gift of Years Sister Joan Chittister says, “The gift of years comes to many more than realize that these later years are gift, not burden.  Not everyone who lives them either understands them or welcomes them. . . This is a special period of life – maybe the most special of them all. . . . Life is not about age, about the length of years we manage to eke out of it.  It is about aging, about living into the values offered in every stage of life.”

We live in an achievement culture, “A culture of people striving and trying to win success,” according to New York Times columnist David Brooks.  He goes on to explain, “The way I express this contrast, this hunger for success is by two sets of virtues, which you could call the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues.  And the résumé virtues are the things you bring to the marketplace which you put on a résumé.  And the eulogy virtues are the things you get expressed in your eulogy. . . So the eulogy virtues are to give courage, to give honor, what kind of relationships do you build, did you love.”

So as my own years increase I find that I too am less burdened by an endless pursuit of success – not that I’ve yet achieved everything I set out to do – but because I am free to live for what really matters, those things described as eulogy virtues.  I’m free to share my wisdom, love my family, enjoy my friends, teach my grandchildren, to leave a meaningful legacy.  It is the gift of years.  And “They will still bear fruit in old age . . .”

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up. . .”  – 1 Thessalonians 5:11 

Who have been the great encouragers in your life?  When I think about that B.F. Jordon often comes to mind.  He was one of my teachers in middle school (junior high school we called it back then) who eventually got promoted to principle.  Mr. Jordon, as we called him, had this amazing ability in a sort of tough-love, non-judgmental, sometimes humorous way of encouraging every one of his students regardless of academic ability, race, or social status.  Even in early adulthood I would often go back to visit with him, always coming away feeling in some way encouraged.  We all need that, don’t we?

So, if we all need that, who then are you an encourager to?  As a grandfather I quickly learned that my job is not to be another parent, they receive good parenting from the ones they have.  Instead, my job is to encourage, cheerlead, model, and affirm.  This school year one of our granddaughters qualified for an honors program requiring her to get up especially early in the morning, not an easy task for a teenager.  Many mornings I send her a silly text message at 5:45 a.m. to make sure she is up.  It is sort of a prank on my part, but what is not a prank is that it is a way of encouraging her and cheering her on.

Encouragement is a powerful motivator, not only in the formation of young lives, but for everyone at every age to be better, to feel better, and to perform better.  It was in 1994 that Erin Gruwell started her first teaching job as an English teacher at Woodrow Wilson High School in Long Beach, California, a racially mixed school plagued by gangs and violence.  Yet, as told in the 2007 movie Freedom Writers Erin was able to transform her classroom and the lives of her individual students by encouraging them to write down the tragic stories of their lives and subsequently share those stories with each other.  Over time these diverse classmates were transformed from bitter enemies to intimate friends, most of them successfully completing high school, and many going on to college.

Far from being plagued by gangs and violence, my small-town school could hardly be compared to Woodrow Wilson High School in 1994.  But, B.F. Jordan and Erin Gruwell had much in common, both being encouragers.  If only, I pray, I am half the encourager with my grandchildren as those two teachers demonstrated; for encouragement is a powerful motivator. “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.”