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“Turn from evil and do good; then you will dwell in the land forever.”

• Psalm 37:27 

I recall sitting in the office of an executive with the Wall Street firm where I was once employed discussing the challenges of dealing with unethical or marginally ethical people within our industry.  (Every profession has them, by the way.)  The executive with whom I was meeting made a comment I will never forget.  Bad people never last, he assured me.  Eventually they go too far, step over the line, and get caught resulting in disciplinary action, firing, revoked licenses, lawsuits, or prosecution – and on rare occasions all the above.  I disagreed at the time; for it seemed these clever shysters were ever present in my world placing an enormous burden on my staff and me to constantly monitor and police their activities – not the best use of our time and energy.  It’s just a fact of life, though, that from petty dishonesty to crime to terrorism to murderous dictatorships, evil is forever among us, and indeed has been throughout the history of mankind.

Someone once said that no matter how things may appear, there is no future in evil, only in good.  Pondering that has caused me to take heart; for discouraging as it is when it seems the bad guys win, when we consider that throughout history when evil actually is defeated – and it always is eventually, though not necessarily within our lifetimes – it is because in some way good has prevailed, thus validating that there is no future in evil, only in good.  Or as my old Wall Street executive friend assured me, bad people never last.

On Mount Sinai Moses received the same assurance from the Lord himself who said, “. . . for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.”

So, we should take heart in doing good, for by doing so we are paving a path for the future; as there is no future in evil, only in good.  Or as the Psalmist affirms, “. . . do good; then you will dwell in the land forever.”

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”

• Psalm 139:13 

Did you know that according to recent estimates there are over 7,900,000,000 people living in the world today?  That is 7.9 billion in case the zeros are overwhelming.  Does that make you feel small, like just another rat in the rat race?  You’re not alone if you do.  But the fascinating thing is that within this massive population, including all who have ever lived before and all yet to be born, each one of us is unique.  There is no one else in the world identical to you or me.  We are not just rats in the rat race; we are each different and placed here for a special purpose.

In my profession of executive coaching administering psychological assessments of some sort with our clients is a fairly common practice.  It is not for the purpose of psychological evaluation that we do this, for most of us are not trained psychologists; rather, it is to increase each client’s awareness of his or her own specific and special talents, behaviors, and characteristics – what it is that makes him or her special and unique.  Once uniqueness is recognized then applied creatively in a person’s business, profession, and personal life both performance and satisfaction tend to increase dramatically.  It is the coach’s job to raise the person’s awareness of his or her uniqueness, and to help them develop ways to use it most effectively.

First, though, is to realize that we are not the result of some sort of human mass production.  We are instead uniquely and individually designed by the One who created our inmost being; the One who specifically knit us together.  We are not just rats in the rat race; we are each different and placed here for a special purpose.

So, as you begin the days ahead remember that there is no one else on earth like you, and that you were placed here for a special purpose.  The Psalmist recognized this in his eloquent prayer, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”  Consider then how you might apply your uniqueness to your business, profession, and personal life.  Your family, friends, neighbors, business associates, clients, and community are depending on you for what only you can provide.

“. . . you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.”  – Matthew 11:25 

A major corporation could not figure out how one of its competitors consistently outperformed them in nearly every measurable category such as profitability, stock performance, customer satisfaction, employee retention, and safety.  Both were excellent companies and among the world’s largest. A friend of mine, a fellow executive coach, who happened to be doing some contract work with the company at the time, shared with me how the company had employed brilliant people to do exhaustive studies of their competitor’s processes and business model, yet failed to identify the secret sauce of their success. The secret it seems, that in addition to their exceptional processes and business model, was their focus on people – customers, vendors, employees – and how they were treated and cared for. It was right before their eyes yet hidden in plain sight.

You may be familiar with the story about the lesson Fred Rogers, of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood fame, had learned from his mother. “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news,” he once shared with his television audience, “my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people helping.’”  A powerful message for sure, but I wonder how impactful it might have been were it not for two words, which until recently I had failed to notice – “look for.”  Amid all the scary news, Mrs. Rogers was trying to teach her young son that there are also beautiful things going on by good people. . . BUT, you have to remember to “look for” it.

Told together these two stories offer a metaphor for Jesus’ teaching, “. . . you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.”  My coach friend kept encouraging the “wise and learned” corporate executives to “look for” how their competitor treated people, the true secret of their success, which though in plain sight, remained hidden; while a small child, through his mother’s encouragement, “looked for” and discovered much goodness taking place even amidst scary news.

We too are constantly subjected to scary news, yet how like the “wise and learned” we neglect to “look for” the helpers, the goodness of people – our neighbors and friends, sometimes hidden in plain sight. They are our hope and good news amidst the scary.

“Give ear to my words, O Lord . . . Listen to my cry for help . . .” – Psalm 5:1-2 

Do you have any idea how painful it is to my masculine ego to say these words, “I need help!”?  I remember inviting a friend to lunch one time because I really did need help, but not with such things like changing a tire or lifting a heavy piece of furniture.  Those are easy to ask for, for me at least.  In this case I needed a different kind of help, the kind of help that took most of our lunchtime before I could even muster the courage to ask.  What I needed was someone to simply listen about an issue I was wrestling with, to offer a shoulder to cry on so to speak, to try to understand, without offering suggestions or solutions.  Just listen!

Several years ago a number of books hit the market attempting to explain the differences between men and women.  A couple of the more popular titles were, You Just Don’t Understand by Deborah Tannen, and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray.  One of the authors – I forget which one – had a theory that suggested that when men have problems, they just want answers.  Women on the other hand are not so much looking for answers as for someone to listen and understand.  Now with all due respect to the writers of these books, which I found quite insightful by the way, they may have over-stereotyped the two genders just a bit, for based on my own experience such as the one I just described, it seems to me that the emotional needs of men and women may not be that far apart.  Except, macho guys like me don’t like to admit that.

Much to my astonishment, instead of offering advice that day, my friend responded to my plea for help something like this: “Gee, I never realized you needed help.  You always seem to be so self-sufficient, capable of working things out on your own.  I just assumed you would work this one out on your own as well.”  (Was I doing a great job of masking my vulnerability or what?)  After that remark my friend became quiet and simply listened – unconditionally, without judgment or criticism – and with a genuine sense of understanding.  At the end of our lunch he thanked me – thanked me? – yes, for bearing my soul to him.  I was touched!  “Give ear to my words, O Lord,” King David pleaded in his Psalm, “Listen to my cry for help.”  What a gift to have a friend nearby, like I did that day, willing to listen the way we would expect God to listen, unconditionally and with a heart for understanding, where we are free to surrender to our vulnerability.

“In everything set them an example by doing what is good.”  – Titus 2:7 

“HO!” he playfully hollered as his right arm swung over to protect me from banging my head against the dashboard of his old Ford coupe as it bounced off the curb of a parking place he recklessly pulled into.  (This was before the days of seatbelts and car seats.)  I was only three years old at the time, and when he hollered “HO!” I thought it was the funniest thing my grandfather ever said.  In fact, it was the only thing I remember that my maternal grandfather ever said, as he died shortly after my fourth birthday.

Fortunately, I got to spend at least a few more years with my paternal grandfather, although he too passed away when I was only nine.  (For the record, it was the consequence of being the caboose in the family, the youngest grandchild on both sides, that I did not get to enjoy my grandfathers’ company longer than I did.)  Strangely, though, even by age nine and having spent a great deal of time with him, I don’t recall much of what my paternal grandfather said either.  What I do remember distinctly about both my grandfathers, though, is how they lived their lives, both being men of strong faith and impeccable character, highly respected in their community, who loved their families and showed compassion and gave generously as they were able to those less fortunate.

Knowledge and wisdom are conveyed from one person to another and from one generation to the next in many ways: teaching, coaching, mentoring, advising, and counseling.  All are important, indeed essential to the process of teaching and learning.  But perhaps the most impactful method of conveyance, especially in terms of instilling character, is through example, role-modeling, when the way one lives speaks for itself.

Admittedly, there have been moments in my life, adult life especially, when I have yearned for the opportunity to sit at my grandfathers’ feet, to listen to their stories and experiences, pick their brains, have them around to teach, advise, and mentor me.  Yet, what I did receive from them was far greater – the example of how they lived. “In everything set them an example by doing what is good,” the Apostle Paul wrote to his colleague Titus.  It is the most powerful lesson I learned from my two grandfathers, and the most impactful thing any of us can do for the next generation.