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“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.”  – Psalm 25:9 

Inspired by my wife Tee, I recently began volunteering alongside her at Hugs Café, a popular lunch spot located in the historic district of downtown of McKinney, Texas, our adopted hometown.  After so many years of seeing the joy in her face when she comes home after spending a day at Hugs, I just felt I needed to experience it myself.  You see, Hugs not only serves great food, it is also popular because of the people employed there – “teammates” they are called – and the special treatment the customers receive from them.

Unlike most restaurants, Hugs Café, a non-profit organization, has a unique mission which is “to enhance the lives of adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities through training and employment,” a place where “Hope, Understanding, Grace, and Success (HUGS) [is offered] to each individual so they can be recognized for their talents in the community.”  And that is what creates that unique HUGS atmosphere that customers experience when they walk through the door, thus its popularity.  We volunteers are there simply to coach and work alongside the teammates.

Except for serving on KP duty years ago as a lowly private in army basic training I have no experience in the food service business.  And even on KP I seemed to have always drawn the short straw as pots-and-pans man, the lowliest hard-labor job in the mess hall, where for fourteen grueling hours I sweated over scalding soapy water in the dish pit scrubbing pots and cooking utensils, all the while the mess sergeant constantly hollering at me across the kitchen, “pots-and-pans man, hurry up with those pots!”.  Ugh!!

So, my first day to volunteer at Hugs I asked someone what I should do.  Well, I was told, they need help – you guessed it! – in the dish pit.  Little did I know all those years ago that that torturous labor back in boot camp would one day come of good use, same sweaty job over scalding soapy water, but for one exception.  Instead of a mess sergeant hollering obscenities, on each side of me were Sam and Molly, amazing Hugs teammates, coaching ME along, offering grace when I messed up, encouragement when I got it right, and having fun in their work.  Humbling for sure, but teaching me so much!

As the Psalmist says, “He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.” 

“If one falls down, his friend can help him up.”  – Ecclesiastes 4:10 

To lead, or to follow, that is the question.  One executive I worked closely with back in my corporate days loved to pontificate about that issue as he would stand before his direct reports, all of whom were mid-level leaders, and admonish them in that gravelly, cigar-chomping voice of his.  “Either lead, follow, or get the [blank] out of the way,” he would say.  I heard him make that speech so many times I could recite it before he said it.  Everyone got his point, of course; be a leader or be a follower, one or the other, but don’t be a fence-sitter or a do-nothing because then you are in the way and impeding progress.

Leading and following has been the most basic system for people working together I suppose since humans first began living together in family units and community.  Someone takes the lead and others follow, and the more effectively the leader leads, and the more willingly followers follow, the better the outcomes, which essentially was the message of the corporate executive.  But there is a third dimension to human interaction that is of equal importance in terms of maximizing human effectiveness (i.e. success), yet often overlooked.  And leave it to none other than that great philosopher Winnie the Pooh to remind us. “Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead.  And don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow,” said Pooh.  “Just walk beside me and be my friend.”

The International Coaching Federation (ICF), of which I am a long-time member, defines [executive] coaching as “partnering in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires a person to maximize their personal and professional potential.  The process of coaching often unlocks previously untapped sources of imagination, productivity and leadership.”  Coaching, in other words, is neither leading nor following, but partnering, that is walking beside.  And don’t we all grow, and learn, and improve when a friend or colleague – or coach – walks the journey alongside us?  Yes, we need someone to lead, and we need those who follow, but we also need someone to be our companion.

“Two are better than one,” the writer of Ecclesiastes reminds us, “because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”  Either lead or follow for sure, but if you really want to succeed find a companion – a friend – to walk the journey beside you.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest.” 

– Galatians 6:9 

In the 2008 comedy hit The Bucket List Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman play two terminally ill men who decide to escape together from the cancer ward and head out on a road trip with a wish list – their “bucket lists” – of things they want to do before they die.  Great movie!  You’ve probably seen it, but if not you should go check it out.

Thanks in part to that movie’s popularity, the term “bucket list” has since become part of our common vocabulary, used in conversations everywhere nowadays.  “I’ve always wanted to hike the Appalachian Trail,” we hear people say, or “it’s on my bucket list to visit New Zealand someday.”  We’re sort of a bucket list minded society, each of us longing to see, do, or experience certain things while we are alive on this earth.  Unlike the movie, however, most of us who talk about our bucket lists are not terminally ill – except for having some vague realization of our mortality – and are at least healthy enough, at the moment, that such desires do not seem unrealistic.

Have you ever noticed, though, that most bucket list conversations seem to revolve around consumption – what kind of places can I go, sites can I see, adventures can I experience while I am able?  How can I enrich myself; how full can I fill my bucket?  But there are some who view their bucket differently, the ones whose buckets are filled with things to invest so as to enrich the lives of others.  My dear friend and long-time office mate Jim Webb was like that.  Jim, who had already been diagnosed with cancer, after returning from a doctor’s visit one day walked into my office and sat down.  “The doctor says I have maybe a year,” he shared with me.  Then a huge smile appeared across his face.  “You know,” he gleamed, “a person can do a lot of good in a year.”  Another terminally ill friend and old coaching colleague, Buzz Kolbe, did a most remarkable thing in his final days.  To everyone who came to his bedside he gave a rubber bracelet inscribed with his favorite Bible verse (2 Timothy 1:7), a verse that had inspired his life.

The Apostle Paul wrote to the Galatians, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest.”  And that is what Jim and Buzz did in their last days.  They were bucket-listers too, except they weren’t consumers, they were investors.

“. . . let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”  – Matthew 5:16 

Regardless if we are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, brilliant or simple, young or old, we all influence the lives of those with whom we come in contact in some way.  Influence is perhaps the most powerful of all human social characteristics in that anything we say or do may shape the life of someone else, often times without our being aware.

Once, many years ago, while attending a large gathering I overheard a man telling someone else that he was in the process of changing careers, one that on the one hand would limit his income but on the other would allow him the freedom to do those things that are more meaningful and significant.  I’m quite sure that gentleman never knew there was someone eavesdropping, nor did he realize that what he said would powerfully influence the life of a bystander.  But it was in that moment that a seed was planted in my mind that began the process of my own career change some years later.

Who’s listening when we speak?  Who’s watching what we do?  Who’s observing our everyday lives?  Who’s overhearing our conversations?  For better or worse, who are we influencing and in what way?  It is sobering to realize the power we have to influence good or evil, success or failure, hope or despair, inspiration or disappointment.

Like the man whose conversation I inadvertently overheard at a party we seldom realize the far reaching impact of our influence.  Perhaps that is even more reason to be conscious of the awesome responsibility we have in what we say and how we behave, for every word we speak and every action we take inevitably shapes the life of another.

There’s a quote I once read attributed to John Quincy Adams.  “The influence of each human being on others in this life is a kind of immortality,” he said.  Therefore, “. . . let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”

“From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”  – Luke 12:48

We’re all in this together.  I think that is the point Fiorello LaGuardia, New York City’s colorful Depression era mayor, was trying to make when on a cold January night in 1935 he turned up at a night court that happened to serve the poorest ward of the city.  Dismissing the judge for the evening the mayor took over the bench himself.  Within a few minutes, a tattered old woman was brought before him, charged with stealing a loaf of bread.  She told LaGuardia that her daughter’s husband had deserted her, her daughter was sick, and her two grandchildren were starving.  But the shopkeeper, from whom the bread was stolen, refused to drop the charges.  LaGuardia sighed.  He then turned to the woman and said, “I’ve got to punish you.  The law makes no exceptions – ten dollars or ten days in jail.  Simultaneously he reached into his own pocket producing the ten dollars to cover the fine.  “Here is the ten-dollar fine which I now remit.  And furthermore, I am going to fine everyone in this courtroom fifty cents for living in a town where a person has to steal bread so that her grandchildren can eat.”  The following day the newspapers reported that $47.50 had been collected and handed over to the bewildered old lady.

My first job in the financial services industry was with a large regional bank in Fort Worth, Texas.  There was a legendary story about that fine institution that defined its culture for years.  During the Great Depression when banks were failing and unemployment was rampant, rather than laying people off the decision was made that there would be an across-the-board pay cut.  “We’re all in this together,” in other words, and by taking that position the bank was able to maintain its solvency and the employees were able to maintain their employment so they could take care of their families.

The right to Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness are among our nation’s core principles, but such personal rights also carry great responsibilities, such as being good citizens, including tending to the wellbeing of others.  “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded,” the scriptures remind us.  Mayor LaGuardia certainly made that loud and clear in his courtroom that cold January night, as did my old employer in the way it cared for the wellbeing of its employees during those dark days.  We’re all in this together, something we all need to be reminded of from time to time.