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“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.”  – Matthew 7:12    

In the latter years of my corporate career I once found myself in an intense debate – a knock-down-drag-out argument actually – with my boss about a certain colleague who though extremely skilled at what he did, had severe interpersonal deficiencies.  I argued that in the long run his inability to interact favorably with other people would one day be to his detriment.  But my boss strongly defended the guy, arguing that as long as he produced such profitable results it would outweigh his inability to get along with people.  Neither of us ever won the debate, though, for soon after we had engaged in that heated conversation the man left our firm and took a position elsewhere.

Given my passionate position in that particular debate it should come as no surprise that in my current profession of executive coaching one hundred percent of the work I do with executive clients centers around human interaction; for I have observed, and firmly believe, that no matter what position a person holds, how powerful, skilled, intelligent, innovative, or gifted, the ability to relate to others is pivotal in his or her personal and professional effectiveness.

While there are certain skills one can learn about human interactions (hundreds of books have been written on the subject), ultimately it is an art, artists being those who present thoughts, ideas, or interpretations through a particular medium (painting, sculpting, music, poetry, playwriting come to mind), but are equally focused on how the audience might receive or perceive their works.  It is an equation in other words.  That’s why those who are masters at human interaction are artists, by creatively conveying their thoughts in such a way that considers how others will receive or perceive them.

In a nutshell, masterful, effective human interaction is a Golden Rule activity, a simple equation – treat others equal to the way you want to be treated.  That was the beef I had with my former colleague, his failure to recognize human interaction as an equation.  Imagine how successful he would have been if he had.  “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you,” Jesus said, “for this sums up the Law and the Prophets,” as it also sums up effective human interaction, and the formula for living an abundant life.

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

• Hebrews 11:1 

Inspired by a funeral he once attended, singer, songwriter and renowned harmonica player Buddy Greene composed and recorded a ballad about the life of an old acquaintance of his named Charlie, a notably righteous man who had lived a good life, but whose health began to fail and eventually died.  Except as Buddy describes so eloquently in the ballad’s lyrics, that was hardly the end of Charlie’s story.

“Now the sky was cold and gray / at the funeral home that day / And the friends and family gathered from far and wide / And they all stood by Charlie’s grave / and they listened to the message the preacher gave / And thought it was over when up stood Charlie’s bride. / She said ‘I’m sure glad to see you all here / ‘cause Charlie held you all so dear / And he wants to see you all in heaven when it comes your time. / So if you want to die like Charlie died / you’ve gotta live like Charlie lived / Loving God and people and longing for the other side.’” 

It should be obvious that Charlie was a man of deep faith.  But what is faith?  First of all, it is not optimism, that is a “Pollyannaish” belief that a positive outcome is forthcoming.  Neither is it a philosophy or religious system.  Rather, faith is just as the scripture defines it, “being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see”, derived not from scientific proof or mathematical fact, but from an intimate relationship with God.  Like my mother who, after being told she only had a few months to live, looked her family boldly in the eyes.  “Don’t worry about me,” she proclaimed.  “Grieve because you miss me, that’s okay.  But don’t worry about me.  I know where I’m going!”  She was as resolute about that as I had ever seen her, and remained so up to her final breath.

The surety and certainty of our faith gives us the strength to overcome the difficulties we inevitably face in this life and provides the freedom to use our lives for good purposes.  It is by faith that we are able to live like Charlie lived, and one-day die as resolute in that faith as Charlie (and my mother) were; for faith is about being sure and certain of that empty tomb on Easter morning.  As the witnesses cried out, “The Lord is risen!”  Yes He is, He is risen indeed!  Happy Easter!

“You armed me with strength for battle; you made my adversaries bow at my feet.”

• Psalm 18:39 

Timmy Newsome, the great former running back for the Dallas Cowboys – also a great human being I might add – in reflecting on his life and football career once remarked that he was never intimidated by lost yardage on a play, because there was always an opportunity to make it up on the next one.  I had the privilege of becoming acquainted with Timmy while working together in a non-profit endeavor which is when I heard him make that comment.  Upon hearing him say that it occurred to me that that was the differentiator that launched him into the pros over others who also had great ability.

Likewise, there are a lot of excellent golfers around, but only an elite few become PGA winners.  The distinction between the amateurs and pros is not that the pros necessarily hit fewer bad shots that put them in difficult predicaments; rather the differentiator is how well they recover from those predicaments – dealing with the adversities they encounter.  (Notably, we witnessed just this past week Tiger Wood’s miraculous return to the Masters Tournament following a crippling auto accident only months prior.)

How critical is dealing with adversity?  According to my airline pilot friends, the frequent flight simulator training and testing they are required to undergo has less to do with the basics of normal takeoffs, landings, and flying the aircraft, than responding to adverse situations.  Most experienced professional pilots can fly a plane with their eyes closed.  But what they must practice over and over is how to react when things go awry.

In my youth I had dreams of a perfect life, perhaps you did too – perfect job, perfect home, perfect family, perfect everything.  But life doesn’t work that way, does it?  “In this world you will have trouble,” Jesus reminds us (John 16:33).  Adversity is inevitable.

What separates an abundant life from a tragic one is neither an absence of adversity nor the severity of it; rather it is how we deal with it when it occurs.  So, if you are living an abundant life it is because you know how to react when things go awry, how to recover from the hazards of life and scramble out of tight situations – and most importantly, knowing the One who armed you with the strength to do so in the first place.

“Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” – Romans 15:2 

Perhaps you remember or have seen reruns of the TV series Bonanza, one of television’s most popular and longest running Westerns.  Among the characters Hoss Cartwright, played by Dan Blocker, was always my favorite.  Hoss, the middle son of wealthy rancher and patriarch Ben Cartwright, was a giant of man (in real life Dan Blocker, a former college football star, stood six-feet-four-inches and weighed 300 pounds), though a gentle-giant with a heart as big as his stature.  Hoss would never have harmed a flea, unless provoked into standing up for someone else.  He was one of those guys who could walk in a saloon and if a brawl started up he was easily capable of singlehandedly whipping every cowboy in the place, except he would first try anything to avoid violence until it became the only option.  Otherwise, Hoss was just a big old teddy-bear who out of genuine compassion and quiet humility would do anything to help others.

Such is not always the motive behind good deeds.  I recall going on my first trip to Central America a number of years ago to do mission work.  Indisputably the work we did was good and helpful to the people we were engaged with.  But I must confess to being a bit quick to pat myself on the back, and in so many words letting others know what a generous human being I am, not exactly in the same spirit as Hoss Cartwright.

In his classic book Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster warns of the distinction between “self-righteous” service and true service.  Self-righteous service, he says, comes through calculated human efforts to “help those people,” while true service is borne out of whispered promptings, and divine urgings.  Self-righteous service is impressed with the “big deal”, while true service does not distinguish between small and large service.  Self-righteous service needs to know that people see and appreciate the effort, while true service is contented with hiddenness (humility).

Eventually, working alongside my fellow, more experienced missionaries I began to understand the distinctions and my arrogance deflated a bit.  As the Apostle Paul instructed, “Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.”  I repeat, for his good, to build him up, not for my good, to build me up – as exemplified by the character of that gentle-giant Hoss Cartwright.

“The integrity of the upright guides them . . .”  – Proverbs 11:3 

When we first started working together I was immediately impressed by my new colleague’s work ethic and intellect, two critical ingredients for being a successful business person.  In addition, after hours he often spent evenings meeting with a group of business partners involved in an outside venture of investing in commercial real estate.  Given all this, his work ethic, discipline, and brilliant mind, I was convinced this new work colleague of mine, was destined to become a wealthy man.  And did I mention he was also a really good human being who loved his family and had lots of friends?

Then suddenly, almost overnight it seemed, just as he and his investment partners were on the verge of making a killing on their holdings, the commercial real estate market collapsed, leaving them with nothing except debt up to their eyeballs.  Seeing no way to pay it off his partners chose to simply walk away, leaving their lenders holding the bag.  My colleague disagreed, choosing instead a different path and parting ways with his partners.  Rather, he felt bound to fulfill his debt obligation (there is a reason it is called a “promissory” note, so he believed), which as it turned out took him most of his remaining working years to pay off, besides sacrificing his chance to become the wealthy man he had once dreamed of, and as I had predicted he would.  But through that sacrifice he gained something far more admirable, proving himself to be a man of great integrity.

As the Proverb states, “the integrity of the upright guides them,” implying that those who desire to live honestly make choices based on what is true rather than what is expedient.  So, while my colleague’s partners chose the expedient route by leaving the lenders holding the bag, my friend chose what was true by upholding the promises he had made.

Integrity – not only is it the right way to live, but it also offers a better life.  Consider my colleague, always a jovial fellow, who over the many years I have known him seldom mentioned his misfortune, although it must surely cross his mind from time to time what might have been.  But for him it was a bump in the road about which he made the right choice, one that provided peace of mind, and a good life for he and his family.