“Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”  – Jeremiah 6:16 

As that great philosopher Yogi Berra once said, “When you arrive at a fork in the road, take it.”  Ah, Yogi-isms, don’t we love them?  But this one hardly solves the dilemma we’re presented when we come to one of those inevitable forks in the road.

When my beloved friend and office mate, Jim Webb, was informed that he only had at most a year to live he found himself at a crossroad.  Faced with such a time limitation he had to choose carefully what path to take.  But for him the decision was an easy one.  He simply looked at his family, me included, and with that big Jim Webb smile announced, “You know, a person can do a lot of good in a year.”  And off he went to pack in all the good he could with the time he had left.

Just before graduating from high school each of my two sons had to endure a dinner outing with their dad for a little father-son chat.  During the course of the evening I asked this one question.  “What do you want to be?”  Each responded predictably that he wanted to be a lawyer or an architect or something-or-other I don’t recall.  But it was a trick question, you see, so I asked it again.  “No, I already know that,” I said, “I’m asking you what you want to BE!”  Each one in his respective moment first looked at me as if I had three heads, then they got it.  Both, in so many words, gave me the same answer.  “I want to be a good person,” they each replied.  Ah-ha!  That’s exactly the answer their old dad was hoping for.  You see, what I was trying to do was lead them up to that crossroad, and challenge them to look and consider carefully which path they would choose to take.

I wanted my sons to stand at that same crossroad where Jim Webb had stood and consider carefully which path they would take.  The only difference between Jim and my sons, as well as the rest of us I suppose, was that Jim’s time limit had been pre-determined; theirs and ours have not.  In his remaining months Jim did indeed do a lot of good and created a legacy through which his goodness lives on.  He chose the ancient path, where the good way is, and he walked in it, and by doing so he left this life as a man whose soul was at peace.  We have that same opportunity, if only we “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it . . .”

“Many proclaim themselves loyal, but who can find one worthy of trust?” - Proverbs 20:6

In his famously popular business book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Patrick Lencioni places lack of trust, or loss of trust, as the root cause for a team’s dysfunction.  That being true, then conversely one must surmise that teams and relationships that are highly functional, healthy and effective are at their core built on a foundation of trust.  Stephen M.R. Covey further dissects the issue of trust in his book, The Speed of Trust.  According to Covey, trust has two basic components — one being competence and the other character.  To truly gain someone’s trust requires both, that is being competent at what we do, and of good character in our dealings.

I’m reminded of the frustrations I experienced with a doctor’s office where I was once a patient.  The issue was not with the physician himself; rather with the office’s poor procedures.  Finally, in a face-to-face encounter I literally fired the doctor, just like one might do with an employee in a business.  And even though I had become increasingly upset with the poor service from his office (though not his medical competence), our conversation was not the least bit contentious.  In fact, it turned out to be healthy for both of us.  I got my frustrations off my chest, and his eyes were opened to a problem within his practice of which he had previously been unaware, a blind spot.  He could not have been nicer or more accommodating, even going out of his way to ensure all information was properly transferred to my new physician. Unfortunately, that all came about too late to restore my confidence (trust) in him enough to remain his patient.

My former doctor was hardly incompetent; to the contrary he is quite well regarded within his highly complex specialty field.  Nor was I ever treated poorly by him personally.  But he did exhibit a “character” flaw in the unsatisfactory manner by which his practice was managed, which ultimately reflected on him, and eventually caused me to lose confidence in him.

Healthy and effective relationships must be built on a foundation of trust, otherwise as happened with my doctor, they will not last.  The Proverb warns us of this very issue, “Many proclaim themselves loyal,” it says, “but who can find one worthy of trust?” 

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  – Proverbs 15:1 

During my years managing a bond trading desk for a large Wall Street investment bank I had the good fortune of being surrounded by a group of people who were amazing at keeping their cool.  To fully appreciate what I’m saying it is important to understand that securities trading by the mere nature of its fast pace and fierce competition can be at times, shall we say, a bit emotionally charged.  Tempers can flare in a heartbeat.  But the people on my team were absolute masters at calming the fiercest anger.  Their calm voices coupled with their professional competence — and I might add, a good sense of humor — could quickly douse the hottest flames.

No one understood this better than Christ himself, who treated his own executioners with gentleness, despite their cruelty, even praying for their forgiveness, “for they know not what they were doing,” he said.  Foretold by Isaiah centuries earlier who prophesied about the Messiah, “He was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.”  And through this demonstration of gentleness rather than harsh words, Jesus became the most influential person in the history of the world.

But I had to learn the lesson of this Proverb the hard way.  I was a hot-shot young executive at the time — arrogant, self-absorbed, self-important, self-serving, and impatient.  One afternoon on my way home I had stopped off at a supermarket to purchase milk.  At the checkout, I failed to notice that the lane I was in had just closed.  I became furious, taking my anger out on the poor checkout lady.  But rather than lashing back at me, which she had every right to do, she remained gentle and kind, perhaps even praying that I be forgiven “for I knew not what I was doing.”  I still did not back down.  Afterwards I felt ashamed, my bad behavior haunting me to this day.  Eventually, I made a promise to myself not to ever act that way again, a pledge I have pretty much kept ever since.  Like a mini-version of what Jesus did, the demonstration of gentleness rather than harsh words from that kind grocery store clerk influenced me to become a better person.

As the wise words of the Proverb teach us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” 

“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”

–          Proverbs 13:20 

“When you hang out with good people, good things gonna happen.  When you hang out with bad people, bad things gonna happen,” a quote from Robert Cook, a man I had gotten to know through a Bible study group I once attended.  Robert, a man full of all sorts of folksy wisdom, knew all too well about the advantages of hanging out with good people versus the consequences of hanging out with bad people.  He’d had plenty of experiences on both sides; for it was through hanging out with bad people that once led him to a life of drug addiction, homelessness, and crime that resulted in a prison sentence.  But eventually he got involved in a crowd of good people who helped him turn his life around, leading him into recovery and re-entry into a stable and productive life where he spends much of his time volunteering with his church, and helping others who are bumping along rock bottom as he once did.

While going through my Dad’s belongings several years ago after he had passed away, we discovered a copy of a letter in his file cabinet that he had once written to a judge.  It regarded a young man he had employed at one time who had later gotten into some trouble.  The purpose of the letter was not to dispute the alleged crime; rather it was a plea for mercy from the judge, believing the young man had simply – as he expressed in the letter – “gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd.”

Most of the bad things and the mischief I’ve done in my own life can be attributed to the same thing, getting mixed up with the wrong crowd.  That’s not to deflect the blame onto the bad crowd, but on myself for making bad choices.  Likewise, it has been the good people I have chosen to hang out with who have influenced me to try to do good things.

“He who walks with the wise grows wise,” the Proverb says, “but a companion of fools suffers harm.”  I like the way Robert Cook puts it, “When you hang out with good people, good things gonna happen.  When you hang out with bad people, bad things gonna happen.”  So, we must choose our companions wisely, mustn’t we?

“A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”

 – Proverbs 11:25 

“There is no limit to what a man can do or where he can go as long as he doesn’t mind who gets the credit,” so claimed the late Robert Woodruff who chaired the Coca-Cola Company from 1915-1965.  He should know, as one who lived by that very creed.  Known as Mr. Anonymous, Woodruff built and led one of the greatest business empires in the world.  Anonymity marked both his leadership style and his philanthropy throughout most of his life.  Only in later years did he allow his name to be identified with his benevolences.  Under his direction, Coca-Cola grew from the fledging concept of a flavored beverage in a bottle to the world’s most renowned thirst-quencher.

In his book Give and Take the popular Wharton Business School professor and author, Adam Grant, goes a step further, proving through years of academic research that contrary to conventional belief, good guys actually do finish first, not last.  While it remains true that successful people tend to have the same common characteristics of motivation, ability and opportunity, there is a fourth ingredient which Professor Grant claims is often overlooked.  “Success,” he says, “depends heavily on how we approach our interactions with other people.  Every time we interact with another person at work we have a choice to make:  do we try to claim as much value as we can, or contribute value without worrying about what we receive in return?”  Grant distinguishes these two as either “takers” or “givers”, takers being self-focused, evaluating what other people can offer them, while givers are other-focused, paying more attention to what other people need from them.  The conclusion of Grant’s research is that – in the long run – it is the givers more than the takers who rise to the highest rungs on the ladder of success.

Years ago, the late Dr. Viktor Frankl, another popular professor, once lectured his students: “Don’t aim at success – the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. . . I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to best of your knowledge.  Then you will live to see that in the long run – in the long run I say! – success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it.”  In other words, pursue the path of the giver, not the taker; for “A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”