“But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away.”  – John 16:7 

Libby and Ross had moved into the same Dallas neighborhood around the same time we did, and it did not take long for our paths to cross. Their daughter Julie and our younger son Marc attended the same middle school back then, participated in band, and were involved in the same youth group at the church we all attended.  Tee and Libby soon became carpool buddies and active volunteers at the school and church, even joined the same neighborhood book club.  Quickly enough Ross and I got drawn into the relationship and became friends as well, after which we began to hang out together as couples.  Then unexpectedly Libby and Ross announced to us over dinner one evening that they were moving away, for business reasons, to North Carolina.  We were crushed.

It is not unusual in today’s mobile society for time and distance to cause friendships such as ours to gradually drift, not that we intend that to happen, it just does.  Realizing that we decided that before parting ways we should go away together for one last fling over a long weekend.  That was 1992, and little did we know then how that trip would bond us for life; for instead of waning, our friendship grew deeper and stronger and closer despite the geographical distance.  Turns out we discovered what amazing travel companions we were with common interests, similar tastes in food and restaurants, and comparable travel budgets.  Since then, over the years we have taken many fabulous trips together, each one strengthening our bond of friendship.

“It is for your good that I am going away.”  We get it now, but none of us could have possibly imagined that back in 1992.  Then this past week our dear friend Libby moved away again, this time after a long and courageous battle with cancer.  Upon receiving that news we were once again crushed, struggling through our grief to understand how it is for our good that she went away.

Surely Jesus’ devoted followers, through their grief, must have suffered the same agonizing question on Good Friday two thousand years ago . . . that is, until Easter morning arrived revealing an empty tomb.  Only then do the words start to make sense.  And therein lies our hope – for Libby, for ourselves in grieving her loss, and for the future.  For today the Lord is risen!  And thanks be to God, therefore so is Libby.

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” 

–          1 John 1:8 

Just as I was about to drive away from a meeting and head home one evening someone tapped on my window to inform me that one of the headlights was out on my vehicle.  Oh well, I thought, it’s too late to do anything about it now, I’ll fix it in the morning.  The problem was, the route home required driving on a state highway, and home was several miles away.  Oh well, again I thought, it is what it is.  As you can probably guess, before I had traveled too far suddenly there appeared in my rearview mirror those dreaded flashing lights of a state trooper.

Obviously, I knew why I was being pulled over, the question was how should I respond?  Plead guilty or plead ignorance, ignorance being perfectly understandable in this case?  But since I was aware of the burned-out headlight, I chose honesty as the best policy and pled guilty.  So as the officer approached I rolled down the window, and before he could say a word I blurted out to him, “Oh man!  I thought I could make it home before you caught me.”  The trooper, being a man of good humor, responded by laughing out loud at my remark, and after a short conversation let me off with only a warning citation.

Let’s face it, we all mess up, don’t we?  (In my case it seems to be a daily occurrence, usually multiple times.)  The challenge then becomes what to do after we commit these misbehaviors, bad choices, violations of rules and laws, or hurtful actions against others.  In the matter of my burned-out-headlight violation it was easy enough to plead guilty.  After all, it was only a minor offense, the cause of which was vehicle malfunction, not a malicious act on my part.  Even the cop, who was just doing his job, found humor in it.  But what about when we do things that are flagrantly wrong and hurtful to others?

The Apostle John first tells us, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.”  But then he goes on to say, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”  Confession, however, is not offered to gain acceptance from God; rather, to remove the barriers that our wrongdoings have put between ourselves and others, and between ourselves and God.  It is only when we plead guilty that we position ourselves to restore those relationships.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”  – Hebrews 10:24 

Tuesday mornings at 7:30 you will almost always find me at the same place, meeting with a small group of men.  We’ve been meeting together for years, and unlike what you might think it is not a bunch guys drinking coffee and gabbing about sports and politics, far from it.  No, we meet for a specific purpose with a strict agenda that begins with a brief prayer after which each of us shares three things:  (1) what is going on in our relationship with God; (2) what each of us is studying to increase his knowledge and understanding; and (3) what we are doing individually to help someone else, or to make the community and the world a better place.  That hour on Tuesday morning is without question the most inspiring and powerful time I spend during my week; thus, I seldom miss.  Nothing I do influences and holds me accountable for the way I live my life from week to week more than spending time with that group of friends.

I used to think I could do things on my own, or at least I liked to think I could.  Part of that came from the belief that I needed to somehow prove myself, my self-sufficiency and self-worth.  We Americans tend to glorify rugged individualism, those who make it by pulling themselves up by their own bootstraps.  I wanted to be like that, so I thought.  But that’s not really how life works, is it; for how would I have ever gotten to where I am today without the help of others?

The most minimal review of human history bears witness to this, that the mere survival of mankind, indeed its advancement, has depended on the formation of communities providing mutual support for one another – tribes and villages, towns and cities, not to leave out the most basic family unit.  In today’s world communities develop to support all sorts of common human needs – neighborhoods, schools, churches, civic clubs, sports teams, orchestras, businesses and workplaces to name a few. 

This past week I noticed an elderly lady, a stranger, standing next to me at a crosswalk who seemed a bit unsure of herself stepping off the curb.  I offered my hand, which she gratefully accepted.  We all need a helping hand, don’t we?  It is why communities exist.  “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 

Traveling through Mississippi a few years ago we decided to take a detour through the Vicksburg National Military Park, the site of a long series of significant and bloody Civil War battles.  Being on a tight schedule we did not have time to linger as we would have liked, that is until we wandered upon the Vicksburg National Cemetery where nearly 17,000 Union soldiers are buried, 13,000 of whom are unknown.  Can you imagine?  There we did pause for a while to meditate upon the sacrifices of those thousands of slain young men, including all the mothers who must have grieved the rest of their lives having never known for sure what happened to their sons and why they never returned home.

What does it mean to lay down one’s life for his friends?  For certain it would mean dying in order to save another, but in the scheme of things the large majority of us will never be faced with such circumstances as jumping in front of a bus to save a child or falling on a grenade to save the lives of comrades in battle.  Yet, Jesus seems to be speaking to all of us about laying down our life for a friend, not just those faced with literal life or death situations.

What about parents who sacrifice on behalf of their children so they can have a better life?  Does that count as laying down one’s life?  Or, a teacher committed to the profession of teaching, a doctor or nurse dedicated to healing, an employer endeavoring to keep his company profitable in order to provide jobs for others, or an employee serving his employer to the same end?  What about those who fight to preserve freedom or the ones who strive to conserve the environment?  What about simply living life in such a way that has a positive influence on another?  Are these not examples of laying down one’s life for another?  And surely the grieving mothers of those thousands buried beneath the soil at Vicksburg would have, given the opportunity, died in place of their beloved sons so they could live.

Laying down one’s life on behalf of another, however that occurs . . . it is indeed the greatest act of love there is, and the only thing that will ever truly give our lives meaning.

“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me . . .”  – Psalm 138:8 

“Be serious and frequent in the examination of your heart and life. . . . Every evening review your carriage through the day; what you have done or thought that was unbecoming your character. . . . Have a special care of two portions of time, namely, morning and evening; the morning to forethink what you have to do, and the evening to examine whether you have done what you ought.  Let every action have reference to your whole life, and not to a part only.  Let all your subordinate ends be suitable to the great end of your living.  Exercise yourself unto godliness.”  – John Wesley

Who have you known in your life that has come closest to practicing John Wesley’s discipline of reflecting each day in the morning about what you have to do, and again in the evening about how well you did it?  For me I suspect my maternal grandmother – who I’ve mentioned numerous times in these articles – must have had such a discipline for she sure lived as if she did.  She was as clear about the “great end” of her living as anyone I’ve ever known, which was loving God and loving other people.  For her nothing else mattered much unless it pertained to that purpose.  And I think because of that she was consistently one of the most joyful people I’ve ever known.

Too many of us I’m afraid either live in survival mode or at best we get up each day and simply respond to what comes our way, unclear of our true purpose or the “great end” of our living as Wesley referred to it.  Perhaps that explains why Rick Warren’s book The Purpose Driven Life became so ragingly popular a few years back, because of that longing for clarity of purpose we all have.  It’s nothing new, for as Warren reminds us, it “has puzzled people for thousands of years.”  Why?  “That’s because we typically begin at the wrong starting point . . .” he explains.

So, what is the right starting point?  The answer is revealed in the opening sentence of Rick Warren’s book, which says simply, “It’s not about you.” That’s right, it’s not about ourselves.  Instead it’s about loving God and loving other people as my grandmother did.  It’s the secret to a joyful and purpose filled life, and it works for everyone – people of every race, creed, religious doctrine and life circumstance.  It’s the “great end of your living”.  Then, “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me . . .” and you!