“How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity.”  – Psalm 133:1 

“There’s something I’ve been saving I want you to have,” he said.  Knowing in advance it was something special, my dearest life-long friend, Steve, then handed me an old one-dollar bill with my grandfather’s signature scribbled across the front.  Found, he explained, while clearing out his parents’ safe deposit box after they had passed away, he felt I should have it.  There must have been some sort of bet, we both surmised, between Steve’s father, John Chenault, and my grandfather, Eunice Wilson.  My grandfather obviously lost the bet and probably signed his name on the dollar bill to ensure receiving credit for paying his debt.

John and my grandfather had a special bond.  Though they seldom saw each other, for my grandfather lived in another town, they never missed an opportunity to visit – or more accurately, to bicker.  Both being crusty, opinionated and argumentative – one a staunch Republican, the other never voted for anyone but a Democrat – their conversations were mostly battles of debate and wit.  Yet, each one held the other in the highest regard, plus both men at that point in time served as the patriarchs of their respective families.

Though we lived across the street, our relationship with the Chenault family was much deeper than that of ordinary neighbors.  Steve and his sisters, Carol and Nona, were like brother and sisters to me – and remain so today.  The two families shared, cared, nurtured, and supported each other through the most joyful as well as the most painful experiences and emotions of life, and our parents served as intimate confidants, confessors, and counselors to each other.

So, it wasn’t so strange, really, that in the safekeeping of a bank vault among the most sacred family documents that John had placed a dollar bill bearing my grandfather’s signature.  For just as currency by definition is a covenant between the issuer and the bearer, so that dollar bill exchanged between two great patriarchs represented a sacred covenant between our families – one that has endured for decades.  Framed and prominently displayed in my home, that dollar bill is ever a reminder of that bond.  “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!”  Such has been the deep, binding, enduring, and committed relationship between our two families.

“Now go out and encourage your men.”  – 2 Samuel 19:7 

What motivates you more, the demands of others or desire for achievement?  My own response to the question goes back to my experience working for Bobby Fuller, the supervisor where I was employed part time during my last two years of college.  The job itself was sort of an assembly line operation that required only a moderate amount of skill, all of which was learned on the job.  It was Bobby who taught me everything, how to operate all the machines in the plant and how to perform every job function, so that in a short time I became proficient at most of them.  It was, however, boring work, not exactly what I wanted to do the rest of my life.  Yet, I can’t remember a single day I did not look forward to going to work.  Bobby was the kind of guy who just made you feel appreciated, and I worked hard for him.  Everybody did.

At the same time, I was working part time for Bobby I was spending the rest of my days across town on the campus of The University of Texas in Austin completing my degree in business and finance.   And it was, coincidentally, during those same years when Theory X and Theory Y management styles happened to be getting a lot of attention in business academia and corporate circles.  They were fairly new concepts back then (by that name at least) having been developed by Douglas McGregor of MIT’s Sloan School of Management in the 1960’s.  Essentially what the two theories suggest is this:  Theory X, which assumes people are inherently lazy and hate work, requires that managers must rely heavily on threat and coercion in order to motivate employees.  Theory Y, on the other hand, assumes people are naturally ambitious and actually enjoy work, thus respond well to positive motivation.  Using the metaphor of the carrot or the stick, in other words, Theory Y represents the carrot and Theory X the stick.

I’m pretty sure Bobby Fuller never heard of Theories X and Y, maybe not even in the context of the carrot-or-the-stick.  What he did seem to instinctively understand, though, was the power of positive motivation, through which he became quite effective in raising the level of productivity even in that rather mundane assembly line operation.  I loved working for Bobby Fuller.  Everyone did.  He instilled in all of us a desire for achievement, which would one day influence my own management style.  Every day a little voice in his head must have reminded him, “Now go out and encourage your men.”

“. . . whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”  – Philippians 4:8 

My wife Tee, the consummate volunteer, left the house early the other morning to help with a field day at a local elementary school where she also serves as a mentor for some of the young students.  Soon, however, she returned home, much earlier than anticipated.  When I asked why, she explained that there were too many volunteers, that her services were not needed.  It seems that a group of students, about forty of them in fact, from one of the nearby high schools had shown up to help with the event.  And this was not some random group of kids there to simply check off their obligatory community service box.  No, these were all volunteer members of an organization called PAL (Peer Assistance and Leadership program) whose mission is “to enable young people to use their potential to make a difference in their lives, schools and communities.”  (Among other things, these high school students also serve as mentors to the younger children.)

There’s an old saying that “what we think about – we bring about.”  If that is true, then it seems evident that what these teens are bringing about in their actions speaks volumes in terms of what they must be thinking about – things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy.  Where did they learn that?  What turned their minds, better yet their hearts, toward such goodness?  Whatever or whoever ignited such thinking, the results certainly contradict the message we consistently get from the media, that the world is going to you-know-where in a handbag.  Instead, these bright, thoughtful, caring, energetic, ambitious, well-organized and well-intentioned high schoolers are proof good citizenship is alive and well, and that the world we will be passing off to this soon coming of age generation will be landing in capable hands.

As the Apostle Paul encourages us, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”  For, what we put into our minds determines what comes out in our words and actions.  Or, as the old saying goes, “what we think about – we bring about.”

“He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame.”  – Proverbs 18:13 

Looking for the perfect gift to give someone special?  Here’s an idea for you, and it won’t cost you a dime.  All it requires is to spend some time with that person and just listen.  But in order to listen – truly listen! – you must be willing to set aside your own agenda, your judgments and prejudices, and the temptation to offer your “sage advice”, allowing yourself to become totally immersed and absorbed in his or her world, not your own – just for a while.  Then be prepared to be amazed how much your gift is appreciated.

We live in a noisy world where people seem to have to compete to be heard over all the clatter.  It’s as if everyone is trying to speak at one time with no one taking time to listen.  Listening, in fact, is in such great demand and short supply that people pay big money for it, igniting an explosion of growth in the listening professions such as my own profession of coaching where our job is to spend time in the client’s corner – not advising – but listening, partnering, and exploring possibilities, ideas, and solutions together.

It is not, however, only the listening professions where it is in such great demand.  Listening is critical in every endeavor.  Consider this example from my own experiences.  Several months ago, I was referred to a doctor I had never seen before.  As would be expected he inquired of my health history and the reason for my visit.  Never, though, was I allowed to complete a sentence, as he was constantly interrupting and jumping to conclusions.  Contrast that with another doctor to whom I was also referred.  She too inquired of my health history and the reason for my visit, but instead she sat quietly, listening intently to my narrative while taking copious notes, hardly ever interrupting except for clarification.  Both doctors came highly recommended and are well regarded within their respective specialties, but the first one I would never go back to see – ever! The second one, though?  I’d go back to her without hesitation.

Listening.  It won’t cost you a dime, yet it is more valuable than gold.  That’s what makes it such a perfect gift to give someone special.  Experiment with it and see what happens; and be prepared to be amazed how much it is appreciated.  But beware of the likes of the first doctor.  As the Proverb says, “He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame.”

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good . . .”   –  Genesis 50:20  

Our son Marc and his family have this beloved pet they named Porter, a sweet, gentle, lovable mixed-breed rescue dog who is playful, hysterically funny, and great with kids.  He also happens to be a huge animal and sometimes prone to mischief.  So tall is he, in fact, that a nice thick juicy steak sitting on the kitchen counter waiting to be grilled is subject to being snatched into his jaws without any of his four paws ever leaving the floor.  And that’s been known to happen.  Several weeks ago, Porter noticed the pantry door slightly ajar.  Making sure no one was watching he then managed to nose the door wide open, from whence he proceeded to help himself to the merchandise.  By the time he finished the entire house looked like it had been ransacked by burglars.  Food was strewn about everywhere, including flour and cornmeal scattered all over the living room carpet and furniture.  As you can imagine, after that little incident Porter was quite in the doghouse, both literally and metaphorically . . . that is, until our three-year-old granddaughter Olive stepped in on his behalf.  “But Mommy,” she said to her mother in defense of the pet, “Porter is really a good puppy dog, he just makes bad choices.”

This little story, which is sure to live on in the annals of our family lore, reminds me that I’m not so different from Porter, that despite being basically a good person I have made more than my share of bad choices.  But bad choices can also serve as teaching moments that make us better; like the story of the young bank clerk about to be promoted to vice president, a position of great responsibility.  Approaching the bank president for wisdom the young man asked his superior, “What is the secret to success?”  “Right decisions,” the president replied.  “But what is the secret to right decisions?”  “Experience,” the president again replied.  “And what, sir, is the secret of gaining experience?” the young man finally asked, to which the wise executive exclaimed, “Wrong decisions.” 

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.  I can bring good even out of your mistakes,” quotes Sarah Young in her popular devotional book Jesus Calling.  “My infinite creativity can weave both good choices and bad choices into a lovely design.”  How amazing it that!  It’s exactly what Joseph told his brothers who years before had sold him into slavery, “You intended to harm me,” he said, “but God intended it for good.”