“But the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13 

“What the world needs now is love sweet love,” so claims the 1965 hit song co-written by Hal David and Burt Bacharach and recorded by Jackie De Shannon. That song’s been going through my mind lately, partly because I do believe that’s what the world is badly in need of. But also, in just a few short weeks Tee and I will be celebrating forty-eight years of marriage (you can hold the applause for now, we’re not quite there yet) and how both of us marvel at how much we still love each other, more in fact than ever. Well, that’s sweet and romantic you’re probably thinking. But it’s not the warm and fuzzy feelings I’m talking about – although, we do still have that too. Rather, what I’m referring to is love as a verb, the intentional and ongoing hard work of loving. And as for the warm and fuzzy feelings, they’re a mere side benefit derived from working at it.

In his 2008 book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell claims that “ten thousand hours is the magic number for greatness.” Based on his studies of elite performers, Gladwell contended that it’s “an extraordinary consistent answer in an incredible number of fields . . . you need to have practiced, to have apprenticed, for 10,000 hours before you get good.” Gladwell’s examples included Bill Gates who began coding as a teen, and the Beatles who played countless eight-hour gigs, for both grueling hours of practice and hard work, which allowed them to respectively invent software and modern rock and roll.

If ten thousand hours is the magic number for greatness in other fields, doesn’t it also apply to love? Like any other discipline, love requires effort and commitment, and endless hours of practice. It is not something that just happens, a warm and fuzzy feeling one hopes to be lucky enough to experience. No, elite performance, including love, requires practice that is ongoing. Which means that if my math is correct Tee and I are rapidly approaching over 420,000 hours.

Jesus was once asked what is the greatest commandment? Without hesitation he replied that we are to love God and love our neighbor. If we are ever to tackle the tough issues, divisions and crises of our day, we must commit ourselves to love, the kind of love that is a verb, requiring action and hard work, without which there is no love. It’s “what the world needs now.” Or as Saint Paul says, “But the greatest of these is love.”

“Let not the wise man boast about his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches . . .” – Jeremiah 9:23 

Once upon a time my colleagues and I, all of us responsible for business units within our company, were summoned to New York for a meeting with the boss. During the meeting the boss went around the conference table asking each of us to describe our best marketing idea. Dutifully, we each told about some crazy gimmick we had tried, claiming far greater success than was probably true. Except this one particular colleague who, when it came her turn to speak, simply stated that the most effective marketing for her business unit had been to provide the highest quality customer service possible, treating everyone with professionalism, dignity and respect. Well, the boss – to say the least – did not take kindly to that. He wanted a big idea, not that namby-pamby stuff.

Later that evening, though, several of us, myself included, confided privately to that colleague that we agreed with what she had said, but lacked the courage to say so because we did not want to suffer the grief from the boss that she was now having to endure. Instead, we had responded by saying what we knew he wanted to hear, knowing most our ideas were cheesy at best, and the results greatly exaggerated. I think deep down the boss knew that as well, but he needed something to boast about to his superiors.

To be clear, I do believe marketing to be a valuable endeavor, and an essential element in driving our highly competitive economy. But there is a fine line between marketing and boasting, as the above story illustrates; for boasting is about shining the spotlight on one’s self, while marketing focuses on benefits to be gained by others. Our boss’s obvious interest was in profits and job security, the same trap that had snared the rest of us. But one brave colleague took a higher road, speaking boldly about the importance of caring for others first. Hers, despite the abuse she took from the boss, was a true example of what effective marketing should accomplish.

“Let not the wise man boast about his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches . . .” Rather, may those who are wise share it with others, those who are strong use it to protect and strengthen others, and those who are rich show kindness and benevolence toward those who are in need.

“He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame.” – Proverbs 18:13 

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make any noise? Remember that little riddle? Let me ask it another way. If someone speaks and no one is listening, is that communication? An article I once read pointed out that there are plenty of modern day programs that teach people to speak – but few train them to listen. If that’s the case, then “what we have here is a failure to communicate”, to quote from one of my favorite Paul Newman movies, “Cool Hand Luke”.

Like a mathematical equation, communication is incomplete without speaking and listening equaling each other. This imbalance is nothing new, of course; in fact, it is probably as old as mankind itself. But perhaps it has become exaggerated in this age of electronic and social media that allows us to “speak” instantaneously to mass audiences any time we wish, which in turn creates an environment of everyone trying to speak at once and an ever increasing noise level to overcome in order to be heard. The screaming just becomes louder and louder in hopes someone will listen. The end result is that there is a world full of people begging for someone to just listen.

To become an ICF certified coach one must demonstrate proficiency in “active listening” in order to be certified. It is considered one of the core competencies in professional coaching. So, if the article I had read is correct our profession may be one of the few where listening skills are actually required and rigorously taught. What I’ve learned from practicing this profession over many years is that becoming a great communicator begins with being a great listener, that our attentiveness to another human being speaks much louder than our words.

So, allow me to restate the riddle. If someone speaks and no one is listening, is that communication? If the answer is “no” then based on my observations “what we have here is a failure to communicate.” And if that’s true, what’s missing in the equation, and what can you and I do to bring it into balance? Here’s a hint: there is a world full of people begging for someone to just listen. “He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame.”

“So teach us to number our days that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.”  

– Psalm 90:12  

As the years go by, and especially as I advance further into senior citizenship, I cannot help but be more aware of the brevity of life, and that I must try to use the time I have left more wisely in ways that will bear lasting fruit. How can I make a difference, and in what ways can I have a positive influence? What steps should I be taking toward those purposes? Thus age, thankfully, does teach us to number our days, and with an increasing sense of urgency to apply our hearts to wisdom.

By the time I had become friends with Froggy, as we all called him, it was evident that he had become aware that his days were numbered by his sense of urgency to apply his heart to wisdom. Froggy was a Vietnam veteran having served as a helicopter pilot. So horrific were his war experiences that he suffered PTSD the rest of his life. Froggy also, by his own admission, had been a pretty notorious partier for a good part of his life. Thus, by the time I got to know him his hard living coupled with the PTSD were taking a toll on his health. It was during that time of his life I had the opportunity spend lots of hours in conversation with him sitting in Starbucks sipping coffee. There I learned about his yearning to make a difference and be a positive influence with the time he had left – to hopefully bear some lasting fruit.

It was also about the same time that he and I began volunteering in the same community outreach program. And on this one particular occasion we were assigned to make a call together on a man who had fallen on hard times and in need of some financial assistance with his utility bills. As we sat there in the man’s tiny living room listening to his sad story I happened to look over at Froggy and noticed tears rolling down his ruddy cheeks, and his chin starting to quiver. Suddenly and spontaneously Froggy’s old gruff voice broke into prayer for the poor gentleman we were visiting. So moved was the man by Froggy’s prayer and compassion that he too began to weep, as did I. Froggy’s days ran out not long after that, but I think about him often and how aware he’d become of his numbered days. It had been my great privilege to be his friend in those final years and to witness the increase of his wisdom and the fruit he bore. Well done Froggy!

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.”

–  Ecclesiastes 3:1 

Sandy, my longtime friend and former work colleague, had always dreamed of having a swimming pool in her backyard, so eventually she and her husband saved up enough money to put one in. And of all the people I’ve ever known who have had backyard pools, myself included, I’ve never known anyone who enjoyed theirs more or made better use of it than Sandy and her husband. Every weekend during the summer they were either enjoying quiet afternoons alone, or watching their kids play in the water, or entertaining friends and neighbors in their backyard. During the warm months of the year their lives centered around that pool. Then one day Sandy announced that they were filling it in, covering it up. I was shocked at first, that is until she explained that the fun was over; they were done with it and ready to move on to other things.

The swimming pool story is so typical of the way Sandy operated when we worked together. When it came time to make changes, to do things differently such as introducing some type of new more efficient technology Sandy was always the one who would walk in one day and announce to all of us that from now on we’re doing it the new way – period! I loved that about her. She taught me better than anyone I know to realize that for everything there is a season, to enjoy the season while it lasts, understand it had a purpose, then let it go and move on.

My parents lived in the same house from the time I was two years old until several years after I was married with children of my own. My father and grandfather operated the same family business for sixty years. In the community where I grew up there were certain people in my life who could always be counted on to “be there”. There was a comfort in having that kind of stability. But then things changed. The family business was sold, my parents moved away, and some of those wonderful people began to die. Through the years I’ve come to realize those changes and losses did not destroy my world, instead they enriched it; for “to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.” For everyone of us there comes a time to cover up the pool. When it does, the best thing we can do is be thankful for the season and move on.