“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”

• John 15:13 

Someone once gave me a wonderful book, the title of which escapes me, about a grandfather teaching his young grandson lessons in life. As with the book’s title I have long since forgotten most of the vignettes about the grandfather’s wisdom – except one. It seems the grandfather had taken the boy, who was maybe six or seven years old, down to the river’s edge to teach one of his lessons, unaware that danger was nearby from a large rattlesnake lurking in the weeds. Suddenly the grandfather saw the serpent’s head rise up out of the grass, and instinctively he threw up his hand in front of the boy just in time to intercept the snake’s venomous strike, thus saving the young lad. . . Afterwards, of course, the grandfather became deathly ill, but thankfully did survive.

Perhaps I remember that story because it sent a chill up my spine. (Rattlesnakes do that to me, you know.) But I also remember thinking to myself, “would I do that for someone, even my own grandchild?” Hmm . . . well maybe now that I’m a protective grandfather myself I can imagine it, at least more than I could back years ago when I read that book. It still makes me shudder, though

Through the years, no passage of scripture has haunted me more than the one about laying down one’s life for his friends. Like the rattlesnake story, could I do that? When I was in the military I often wondered if I’d be willing to fall on a grenade to save my comrades had I ever been called into combat (which I never was). Would I jump in front of a bus on a busy street to save a stranger from being run over, or run inside a burning house to save a neighbor? Thankfully for me – so far at least – none of those questions have ever been put to the test, to literally lay down my life for someone else.

But aren’t we all challenged every day in almost every circumstance not to put our own desires and wellbeing ahead of someone else’s? Is my time, for example, more valuable than another driver’s that I should cut him off on the freeway? Is my selfish greed more important than helping someone in need? Whether it’s literal life and death, or the simple day-to-day ordinary experiences of life, isn’t the application still the same? “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”  

“. . . choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. . . But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” – Joshua 24:15 

Have you ever known someone who was born into a life of privilege, having been offered every opportunity you can imagine on a silver platter, yet for whatever reason they blew it, never becoming the person of character or success they could have been? I’m sure you have witnessed such tragedy. We all have. On the other hand, have you known someone from a disadvantaged background who despite all kinds of adversities managed to grow into a person of great character attaining extraordinary success? Of course you have. Perhaps you are one.

We are all born into circumstances – rich, poor, or middle-class. But circumstances do not create character; they merely reveal it. So what forms character? First and foremost we would probably all agree it is the influence of another person, a role model who has demonstrated good character and served as a teacher or mentor. And certainly some are more fortunate than others to be exposed to such positive influencers, regardless which side of the tracks they come from. Yet, even then some blow it while others take the right path. What makes the difference?

Ultimately the formation of character is a matter of choice, and we all have the freedom to choose how we respond to life’s circumstances. Someone once suggested that if freedom is defined as “the opportunity to make decisions”, then character is “the ability to make right decisions”. If that is true, then one of the quickest ways to reveal the true character of a person is to give him the freedom to choose his own path.

Neither is character a once-upon-a-time choice; rather, it is a choice we must make each and every day in each and every circumstance. Unfortunately, some blow it. Others, though, seem to have developed the ability to take the right path in almost every circumstance. They are people we would say have great character.

While we are not always in control of our circumstances, we are in control of the choices we make within those circumstances. And it is those choices that reveal our character. As Joshua challenged his people, “choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve.”

“Be on guard! Be alert!” – Mark 13:33 

It has been suggested that there are three kinds of people in the world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who ask, “What just happened?” The obvious question for all of us is, “which one am I?” The answer is all the above; for depending on the circumstances in which we find ourselves at various times, we may be in one category or the other. At times we may be the instigator, other times the observer. But then there are those occasions when – well, we are simply blind-sided by something that we didn’t see coming.

It was exactly eight years ago I had one of those experiences. Tee and I had risen early to go out on our routine morning jog through the neighborhood. We had not gone far when without warning I collapsed face down in the street, requiring paramedics and the whole nine yards. In the emergency room it was discovered I had suffered a double pulmonary embolism – blood clots in both lungs – an event that is often fatal. Further tests revealed a rare blood condition that caused the clots, for which I now take medication. The point is, it was one of those moments that – after I came to – caused me to ask, “what just happened?”

There’s an old saying; either lead, follow, or get out of the way. That is, whether we are making things happen or watching things happen, either way we are involved or at least aware. It’s when we are unaware that we are the most vulnerable. Had I known, for example, about my rare blood condition, the blood clot incident might have been avoided.

We are all subject to blind spots, things about ourselves of which we are unaware. That is why for those of us in the profession of coaching leaders and executives, part of our purpose is to help create awareness with clients of their blind spots – either behaviors that cause one to be less effective than she or he could be, or behaviors that are highly effective if used more intentionally. The goal is to try to minimize those moments when we look up and ask, “what just happened?”

No one can completely avoid being blind-sided. The best we can do is take steps to become more self-aware, and otherwise “Be on guard! Be alert!”

“Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” – Genesis 1:28 

With football season well under way, there is no shortage of games to watch on TV. And whether you’re a fan or not, most of us Americans have at least a rudimentary understanding of the game. But just in case, here are the basics. Two teams on the field, each trying to score points by penetrating the goal line of the opposing team. Each team has an offensive squad and a defensive squad. The purpose of the offense, which means it has possession of the ball, is to advance toward the opposing team’s goal. The purpose of the defense is twofold: (1) to defend against the advancement of the opposing offense, and (2) to regain possession of the ball on behalf of their own team’s offense.

It behooves us to live our lives likewise; for we each have a purpose, something we spend our lives advancing toward. But there are times when we are not in possession of the ball. We encounter obstacles, requiring us to play defense. And just like football, the purpose is twofold: (1) to defend against being deterred by the obstacles, and (2) to regain possession of the ball on behalf of achieving our real purpose.

At age ninety, after living a remarkably active and purposeful life, my grandmother suffered a mild stroke. While not terribly debilitating, it nonetheless impacted her health status enough that she was no longer able to live alone. My mother and her siblings went through that painful process of moving her to a place where she would be properly cared for. My grandmother immediately went into defensive mode, resisting the change in every way. Soon, though, she regained possession of the ball and began moving about through the corridors of the nursing home on a mission to lift the spirits of her fellow residents with her cheerful personality and deep faith, exactly what she had been doing all her life.

After creating us in His own image, God delegated us the responsibility of caring for His creation and moving it forward. “Be fruitful and increase in number,” He instructed us, “fill the earth and subdue it.” Although obstacles may sometimes force us into a defensive posture, that should not deter us from striving to regain “possession of the ball” so that we can continue to move down the field – to fulfill our God-given purpose. Or as the Apostle Paul says, “Run in such a way as to get the prize.” (1 Corinthians 9:24)

“Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’, and your ‘No’, ‘No’. . .  – Matthew 5:37 

Despite my carefully planned exit strategy from the corporate world a number of years ago, I was nevertheless left with some unexpected challenges. Among them were: “What will be my next profession or career?” “How will I reclaim an identity now that I am no longer associated with my previous company and profession?” “How will I fill up the abundance of newly acquired discretionary time I have on my hands?” In an attempt to deal with these challenges, I found myself saying yes to everything. Anytime someone asked me to serve on a board or committee or in some other voluntary capacity I said yes without hesitation.

That season of saying yes served me well for a time, helping me work through some of the challenges. I discovered things about myself, gifts and talents I never knew I had, as well as identifying some things I am not so good at. That time of deeper self-awareness is what eventually helped me identify a new profession to pursue, along with a fresh identity. And as for all that abundance of discretionary time I had on my hands? By that time it was filled to capacity. That’s when I had to start learning to say no.

But for most of us saying no is difficult. We perceive it as weakness, failure and letting people down. And why is that? Barbara Brown Taylor explains in her book An Altar in the World, that “in a ‘can do’ culture where the ability to do many things at a high speed is not only an adaptive trait but also the mark of a successful human being . . . [and] we harbor pride that we are in such high demand.” Thus, when we don’t live up to the culture’s expectations, we feel guilty that we failed and let someone down. Taylor, however, views it otherwise, that the ability to say no is in fact a discipline to be developed rather than avoided, what she refers to as “the practice of saying no.”

It occurred to me in reading Barbara Brown Taylor’s book that there is a time to say yes and a time to say no, and unless we engage in “the practice of saying no” we’ll never reach our full potential when we answer yes. In my case, that season of saying yes to everything gave me a better sense about those things to which I should say no, as well as those to which I should say yes. At that point, the decision became much less difficult. “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’, and your ‘No’, ‘No’”.