“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.” – Matthew 22:37-39 

It was during a get-to-know-each other small group exercise at an event I attended a few years ago when I met Brenda. In the course of that exercise she shared with us that her father had played baseball for the Brooklyn Dodgers.   Immediately someone in the group popped off, “So, was your daddy famous?” With that a soft, tender smile appeared on her face. “He was to me,” she replied sweetly, almost in a whisper. (Her father was Charlie Neal if you want to look him up.)

Those four softly-spoken reverent words revealed more about Brenda’s father’s character than I imagine any well-crafted biography ever could. He was “famous” in her eyes, you see, far beyond being a great athlete and a loving father; to her he was an extraordinary human being. But what is it that makes an extraordinary human being? I have observed three things. First of all, extraordinary people seem to have a purpose in life, a purpose much larger than themselves. Second, they know themselves well, their gifts, talents, and strengths, as well as their weaknesses and how to compensate for them. In other words, they know who they are as well as who they are not. Finally, they have a keen understanding of others and a deep compassion and concern for their fellow human beings.

Scripture provides a clear formula for an extraordinary life and the ideal model we should strive for. First is to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, and mind. That should be our ultimate purpose in life. Second is “like it”, to love our neighbor as ourselves. This requires that we must first understand and respect ourselves, not in an egocentric way, but so we are able to develop and use our unique gifts and talents to their highest potential. Then we can understand other people in the same way we understand ourselves and begin to model God’s love in the way we treat our neighbors. It is a perfect model we are given. Look around and you’ll see these characteristics in all extraordinary human beings – parents, teachers, leaders, all sorts of great people. It’s what makes them extraordinary. It’s what made Brenda’s daddy “famous” in her eyes.

 “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands.”  –  1 Thessalonians 4:11

For many years we enjoyed the luxury of employing a housekeeper who came to our home each week to give it a thorough cleaning, as well as a lawn service to maintain our yard.  However, when we moved into our new home in the suburbs, we decided we should try doing that work ourselves.  Surprisingly, what we soon discovered was the pleasure we found in those rather mundane chores, not to mention the benefits it has had on our health and wellbeing, even our marriage partnership.  “It’s my turn to mow!”  “No, it’s my turn,” we teasingly argue each week.

As I began to consider an exit strategy for myself from the corporate world after a long career there, of major concern was finding other meaningful work. In giving up those big paychecks, even temporarily, would my life still have purpose as I assumed it had before? It was an adult version of the question “what are you going to do when you grow up?”

Indeed, it is a question that applies to adults as well as children, according William J. Bennett in his book The Book of Virtues. For, as he claims, it is a question about work. “What is your work in the world going to be? What will be your works?” He goes on to explain, “These are not fundamentally questions about jobs and pay, but questions about life. Work is applied effort; it is whatever we put ourselves into, whatever we expend our energy on for the sake of accomplishing or achieving something. Work in this fundamental sense is not what we do for a living but what we do with our living.”

That may explain our re-discovered joy, value and meaning in doing common household chores together, quiet works done with our own hands, yet without pay or fanfare. The rewards they do provide, though, can be far richer than any paycheck, starting with the simple rewards of accomplishment and achievement. Less obvious is the influence we may be having on others – neighbors or grandchildren for example. Maybe that was the Apostle Paul’s intention when he wrote to the Thessalonians. “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind you own business and to work with your hands . . . so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.” It may be the best work any of us ever do.

“I press on toward the goal to win the prize . . .” – Philippians 3:14 

Put first things first. That’s how Stephen Covey describes Habit number 3 in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In other words, highly effective people are those who identify what is most important in their lives and make it top priority, above everything else. They focus on opportunities rather than problems, centered on their mission rather than being seduced by outside forces. “The key,” as Covey puts it, “is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.”

In my former career I was responsible for a bond trading operation for a major Wall Street investment firm. On any given day it was a beehive of activity, phones ringing constantly, squawk boxes blaring, people shouting across the room, a chaotic atmosphere, a perpetual fire drill. There was an urgency about everything we did; the ringing phones demanded our immediate attention, impatient investors who needed someone to help them “right now!” Yet in the heat of battle decisions had to be made, often times big decisions involving substantial sums of money. It was those big decisions that were of utmost importance; for from them our profitability was derived, our life blood, our reason for being, the purpose of our existence, our mission. If we were not careful, though, the urgency of the ringing phones and blaring squawk boxes could become seductive, distracting us from the importance of the big decisions that had to be made. In other words, we had to manage in the midst of that perpetual fire drill to put first things first.

In a sense, the experience of working on a bond trading desk was an imitation of real life, for in real life we constantly encounter urgent demands on our time and energy, problems to be solved, projects to complete, impatient people who need us to help them “right now!” And it is not as if we can or should ignore those urgent demands, for indeed they must be responded to. Rather it is a matter of prioritizing because if we are not careful the demands of life’s urgent matters can become seductive, distracting us from what is most important, our reason for being, the purpose of our existence, our life mission. But as Covey reminds us so well in his Habit number 3, in order to be most effective we must put first things first. Only then are we able to “. . . press on toward the goal to win the prize . . .”

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”

• John 15:13 

Someone once gave me a wonderful book, the title of which escapes me, about a grandfather teaching his young grandson lessons in life. As with the book’s title I have long since forgotten most of the vignettes about the grandfather’s wisdom – except one. It seems the grandfather had taken the boy, who was maybe six or seven years old, down to the river’s edge to teach one of his lessons, unaware that danger was nearby from a large rattlesnake lurking in the weeds. Suddenly the grandfather saw the serpent’s head rise up out of the grass, and instinctively he threw up his hand in front of the boy just in time to intercept the snake’s venomous strike, thus saving the young lad. . . Afterwards, of course, the grandfather became deathly ill, but thankfully did survive.

Perhaps I remember that story because it sent a chill up my spine. (Rattlesnakes do that to me, you know.) But I also remember thinking to myself, “would I do that for someone, even my own grandchild?” Hmm . . . well maybe now that I’m a protective grandfather myself I can imagine it, at least more than I could back years ago when I read that book. It still makes me shudder, though

Through the years, no passage of scripture has haunted me more than the one about laying down one’s life for his friends. Like the rattlesnake story, could I do that? When I was in the military I often wondered if I’d be willing to fall on a grenade to save my comrades had I ever been called into combat (which I never was). Would I jump in front of a bus on a busy street to save a stranger from being run over, or run inside a burning house to save a neighbor? Thankfully for me – so far at least – none of those questions have ever been put to the test, to literally lay down my life for someone else.

But aren’t we all challenged every day in almost every circumstance not to put our own desires and wellbeing ahead of someone else’s? Is my time, for example, more valuable than another driver’s that I should cut him off on the freeway? Is my selfish greed more important than helping someone in need? Whether it’s literal life and death, or the simple day-to-day ordinary experiences of life, isn’t the application still the same? “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”  

“. . . choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. . . But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” – Joshua 24:15 

Have you ever known someone who was born into a life of privilege, having been offered every opportunity you can imagine on a silver platter, yet for whatever reason they blew it, never becoming the person of character or success they could have been? I’m sure you have witnessed such tragedy. We all have. On the other hand, have you known someone from a disadvantaged background who despite all kinds of adversities managed to grow into a person of great character attaining extraordinary success? Of course you have. Perhaps you are one.

We are all born into circumstances – rich, poor, or middle-class. But circumstances do not create character; they merely reveal it. So what forms character? First and foremost we would probably all agree it is the influence of another person, a role model who has demonstrated good character and served as a teacher or mentor. And certainly some are more fortunate than others to be exposed to such positive influencers, regardless which side of the tracks they come from. Yet, even then some blow it while others take the right path. What makes the difference?

Ultimately the formation of character is a matter of choice, and we all have the freedom to choose how we respond to life’s circumstances. Someone once suggested that if freedom is defined as “the opportunity to make decisions”, then character is “the ability to make right decisions”. If that is true, then one of the quickest ways to reveal the true character of a person is to give him the freedom to choose his own path.

Neither is character a once-upon-a-time choice; rather, it is a choice we must make each and every day in each and every circumstance. Unfortunately, some blow it. Others, though, seem to have developed the ability to take the right path in almost every circumstance. They are people we would say have great character.

While we are not always in control of our circumstances, we are in control of the choices we make within those circumstances. And it is those choices that reveal our character. As Joshua challenged his people, “choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve.”