“A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”

• Proverbs 11:25 

The alternate route proved to be a narrow one lane dirt road along a rugged hillside on the outskirts of Tegucigalpa, Honduras. The quick decision to detour resulted from a tragic accident up ahead that shut down the main highway. As other drivers from both directions diverted to this tiny path, it too became gridlocked.

Time was scarce. It was the last day of our mission trip, and even under the best of circumstances we had precious few hours to complete the projects we had begun a week earlier. Yet, here we were in the middle of a primitive hillside barrio jammed with busses and trucks unable to pass by one another. Imagine an LBJ Freeway traffic jam, or a Times Square gridlock with horns blaring and tempers flaring!

Suddenly the driver of the oncoming truck stepped out of his cab and meticulously guided our yellow school bus between the deep bar ditch on the right and his own vehicle. Once passed, our own driver stepped out and did the same for the next oncoming vehicle. Driver after driver calmly and patiently stopped to help one another in what had appeared to be a hopeless situation, until we miraculously reached the open road leading to our destination. Although we arrived at our rural worksite an hour and a half late, our projects were completed with time to spare.

There was a sense of calm in observing our Honduran friends working together. It was a great lesson for our small group of fourteen results-driven, type-A North Americans. We saw a narrow road with room too scarce for two vehicles to pass. Our Honduran friends, on the other hand, saw a road with abundant space when shared generously.

This experience happened to me many years ago while serving on a mission team in Honduras, and it is not the first time I have shared this story. But what a great example of how generosity works, how it tends to even things out for everyone, benefiting the giver every bit as much as the receiver. For as the Proverb says, “A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” Amazing how that works!

“They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green . . .” – Psalm 92:14 

If you were anything like me starting off in life you probably had this wild dream in the back of your mind that “if I can ever achieve enough financial success in life to have all the things I want, plus enough set aside so that I don’t have to break my back to make ends meet, I will have achieved the American dream.” (Thankfully, some of you pursued a higher calling than me.) Again, if you were like me the possibility of that ever happening was so remote that it was – well, just pure fantasy. Looking back on that now, though, I realize how foolish I was; for I did eventually wake up one day and realize that achieving financial success is not necessarily all it’s cracked up to be.

In one of his many brilliant and convicting parables, Jesus tells of a rich man whose land produces an abundant harvest, enough so that the man decides he should build bigger barns in which to store his surplus grain, after which he plans to kick back and enjoy life for many years; “eat, drink and be merry,” he says (Luke 12:13-21). At one time I would have agreed with the man.

I’m curious how the concept of retirement became so prevalent in our society, to the extent of almost being an entitlement. Some speculate it was the establishment of Social Security, which as the average life-expectancy continues to increase, has evolved from being a stopgap for the aged as it was first intended, to becoming a long-term pension for the masses. Others credit the decades of post-World War II prosperity that led to the growth of corporate pension plans and the ability to accumulate wealth through 401k plans and the like. We all expect it though, don’t we, myself included. Plus, we fear the warnings from the financial services industry (my old stomping ground) that if we fail to save enough for the “golden years” and invest it wisely our goose will surely be cooked.

Of course it’s wise that we should strive to attain adequate financial resources in order to provide for ourselves and our families in the future in case our ability to earn diminishes. But more importantly, it frees us to use our time, treasure and energy for the benefit of others, and for the advancement of God’s Kingdom. And if we can possibly do so, don’t we all have this wild dream in the back of our minds to live out our days like the Psalmist says? “They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green.”

“I am fearfully and wonderfully made . . .” – Psalm 139:14 

In my practice as an executive coach it is not at all unusual for people who are somewhere in mid-life, and more times than not quite successful, to come to me floundering with their life and career, questioning if they are living the wrong life. I’ve never found it to be an easy issue to coach people through, although I do understand their plight, having been there myself. But an article I read not long ago from the magazine Psychology Today shed some light on the subject. It suggested telling someone floundering in mid-life to “try to remember what you were all about when you were 10.”

Why 10? According to the article, titled “The Rule of Age 10”, there is extensive research supporting that around age 10 is when “the lights come on full beam, revealing the road ahead.” “Age 10,” it goes on to say, “is a developmental sweet spot. You’re old enough to know what lights you up, yet not so old that adults have extinguished that fire by dumping more practical and realistic options on it.” My own interpretation is that at age 10 we have developed a more mature right brain without losing that “inner child” curiosity and creativity, but at a higher level. Yet it is before parents, teachers, and society in general begin steering us toward filling our left brains with all the logical and practical knowledge deemed necessary to function in the real world, which tends to erode that childlike state of receptive curiosity.

During my own season of “mid-life floundering”, the coach I had retained to help me was extraordinarily insightful, long before publication of “The Rule of Age 10” article. But she understood the principles behind it, launching me on a journey to recover that sense of curiosity and creativity that had been dampened so long ago by the expectations of logic and practicality. It’s a long and endless journey, but one that has restored my sense of joy and meaning, and a re-discovery of that sweet spot that a 10-year-old experiences.

What I now know for sure is “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” And so are you, words that are not wishful thinking, but fact. For, each of us is created in the image of the Creator, and one can’t be more wonderfully made than that. So, if you’re in that place of searching for your sweet spot – and everyone has one – you might “try to remember what you were all about when you were 10.” You’ll be glad you did.

“Two are better than one, . . . If one falls down, his friend can help him up.”

• Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 

It has been said that life is designed for companionship, not isolation; for intimacy, not loneliness. Several years ago I had the misfortune of having to spend a week in the hospital. It was a bummer, that is until I realized my hospital room had become a revolving door of friends and well-wishers dropping by. Yes, they all visited and laughed and prayed with me, but what I remember most was simply their presence.

Acclaimed author, speaker, and research professor Brené Brown, PhD, refers to this as a “ministry of presence.” “These moments,” she writes in her book Braving the Wilderness, “remind us that we are not alone in our darkness and that our broken heart is connected to every heart that has known pain since the beginning of time.” So it was that by simply showing up my many dear friends were practicing the ministry of presence, therefore transforming what could have been a dark experience into a joyful memory.

In order to become a credentialed coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF) one must demonstrate proficiency in certain core competencies. Among them is “coaching presence”, defined as the “ability to be fully conscious and create spontaneous relationship with the client, employing a style that is open, flexible and confident.” But coaching presence is much more art than science, requiring a heart of empathy, and an abandonment of preconceived opinions, ideas or solutions – that is, to simply be present.

There is a reason we are called “human beings” rather than “human doings”. I for one, though, am too often guilty of trying to be the latter, thinking I need to fix something, or at least offer some meaningful suggestions. Except no one who visited me in the hospital that week could fix my illness, and few even knew the right things to say. Yet, their mere presence contributed as much to my recovery as the medical care I received. “Two are better than one, . . . If one falls down, his friend can help him up.” And more times than we can imagine, we help one another up not by what we do or say, but simply by our “ministry of presence”.

“I will make you a community of peoples . . .” – Genesis 48:4 

Now don’t laugh, those of you who know me – or even if you don’t know me but have taken a glance at the mug shot posted on my website – because what I want to talk about is barbershops. I love barbershops, the old-fashioned kind. I know! I know! You’re probably holding your sides with laughter already asking yourselves why Dan would ever need to darken the door of a barbershop with nothing but a little gray fuzz around the fringe. Well, believe it or not folks, once upon a time I had hair, a full head of it. Back in those days I really enjoyed going to the barbershop. Nowadays I just go to one of those places that’s like a fast food restaurant, put my name on the list, and inform the nameless “stylist” who happens to be available that I want a “number three, blocked in the back.” Wham-bam, in less than four minutes (I’ve timed it) I’m out of there.

That’s not the kind of experience I’m talking about. I liked the barbershop I went to when I was a kid growing up. My barber’s name was G. F. Givens, a man about my dad’s age or maybe a little older. Back then the barbershop was a gathering place for all sorts of characters, a place where there was a lot of chatter about local politics, the high school football team, weather, and some sort of combination of arguing and joking. My favorite trick was walking out of the barbershop without paying for my haircut complaining it wasn’t worth it. It was a trick to get old G. F. to chase me down the street, but he never did. He just stood there knowing I would come back with the $1.50 I owed clinched in my fist which he grabbed while handing me a piece of Double-Bubble Gum.

In his once popular book All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, Robert Fulghum wrote a clever little essay about his relationship with his barber. “Once a month we reviewed the world and our lives and explored our positions,” he said. “We became mirrors, confidants, confessors, therapists, and companions in an odd sort of way. We went through being thirty years old and then forty. We discussed and argued and joked, but always with a certain thoughtful deference.” That’s the kind of barbershop I’m talking about. We could use more of those kinds of gathering places today; for God said, “I will make you a community of peoples.” And old fashioned barbershops were great places for that to happen.